Friday, January 13, 2006

I have just had a baked potato from the site canteen. I think that it may have been deep fried. It should also have been covered in gold leaf for the amount that it cost me. Needless to say that as I have now had my lunch, I have that relaxed, sleepy feeling that normally calls for a hearty dose of pepsi max. Only I can’t can I? Hmmm…torture indeed.

As I was washing up yesterday evening, I decided that I would try and cut alcohol and extreme caffeine (coffee, pepsi etc) from my diet for a month. I'm not quite sure why I decided to do this, a slight challange maybe, self torture? Who knows, but we shall see how it goes. I refuse to give up tea however. I know it contains caffeine, more than coffee aparantly, but I don't think I can do it. Especially after discovering wonderful Russian Caravan and Moroccan Green...

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Wow, yet again I haven't posted for almost a month. I really need to sort this out. I think maybe a fiddle with my blog might make it look shiny and inviting to me. Stark has gone for the new, so it might be an idea.
Overall at the moment, I can't say I'm in a fantastic mood after the 2.5% payrise I got at the end of the year. 2.5% might actually be considered a reasonably pay rise if I was earning, say £100K a year. Unortunately I don't, so my payrise works out at just under £40 a month after tax. Delightful. Not only is this a rather pathetic payrise but I also got the lowest payrise out of everyone in the my team, by more than 1% in some cases. PumpkinHead has decided that it's 'cos I'm a woman, but I still find this difficult to believe, although I'm begining to think that it might be true after talking to other people on my team. But seriously, who looks at the payrise amounts and thinks 'Right, she's a woman, therefore I'm going to give her significantly less than everyone else'... I find that quite hard to comprehend, but seeing as everyone got more than me, maybe it's true.
Still, the moment of truth is boss is coming down to site for a meeting. I'm thinking of stapling him to the wall, face down, covered in slugs and then locking him in a room with 15 hungry, psychotic badgers.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

I really can’t be bothered today. I should be out on site but I’m in the office waiting for a few drawings to be produced before I can go out. Seeing as there is nothing for me to do in the office I have decided to attempt to see how much work I need to do for this stupid NVQ that I am being forced to do. An NVQ that I don’t actually need to do as I have the qualification, but HR was too thick to understand that when I told them. I really don’t have time to do an NVQ off my own back, without any time off work, but I got a slapping from my boss for not doing it. So now I have to. I’m so pissed off. It looks as though I am now going to have to spend my Christmas trying to catch up on all the work that I haven’t done. Its absolute bollocks. Not only it is wasting my time but its wasting company money. Why are people so thick? The person in charge of our company HR is an absolute joke, with no idea of what the hell to do. When I joined the company, HR had to register me on the company training scheme, which basically means that I sign a form, two other people from the company sign a form and then pay some money. However, instead of this happening, it took HR 6 weeks to send me an email telling me to go to a website for the institution that regulates the training scheme, as they were sure that the website would make more sense to me than it did to them. Unbelievable. I’m seething about having to do this NVQ. Aside from the fact that it is extra work that I have to do, I can’t understand the point of it. All I do is spend my time trying to ‘prove and produce evidence’ to get modules signed off. I don’t learn anything or go to lectures, I just photocopy stuff from files. For example, one of the things that I might need to know how to do is ‘Control project quality, progress, cost and information’ but I don’t need to learn to do this, I just have to photocopy something that shows that I have done it, like an email to our procurement department asking them to off hire something as we don’t need it any more so we don’t want to pay for it. So all I do to try and satisfy any of the criteria is fucking photocopy bits of paper. Why the hell do I need to do this? What is it teaching me? Bunch of wankers, the lot of them.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Today is our office Christmas lunch, which means that we are going to pop over to the pub at lunchtime to open our Secret Santa gifts and then toddle on back for some turkey. Unfortunately the boss has vetoed any consumption of alcohol at lunchtime, which means we will all be consuming silly amounts of sugar rich beverages. Still, perhaps the lack of alcohol is a good thing after the carnage at our Christmas outing on Friday night. To be fair Watford isn’t the most spectacular of venues, however it was probably the right setting for my boss’s kick ass moves on the dance floor at the ‘disco’ following an evening of comedy. His moves were on par with the most fantastic 80’s robot dance that I have ever seen. And to make things even more spectacular, he was just dancing away by himself, in a big empty section of the floor as everyone had kind of scattered.
I’m just grateful that I stopped after only three pints of good old baby shaker, otherwise I might have thought it was a good idea to strut some moves of my own on the floor. My boss was also so hammered that after spying the glittery antennae things on my head (they were free and on the table when we got there), he told me that he wanted to ‘play with my balls’. Christmas is just carnage isn’t it? Everyone gets so hammered, it’s just embarrassing, but you only seem to notice things like that when you aren’t in the same state.Following this sorry state of affairs on Friday, I really couldn’t take my boss seriously yesterday when he gave me a bollocking for missing some of the training days for some stupid course they are making me attend. All I could see in my head was pictures of his robot dancing and him feeling up one of the secretary’s arses.

Friday, December 09, 2005

It seems that I have a flat tyre. After parking the car this morning, I noticed that the back tyre on the driver’s side looked a bit dodgy…and then I noticed the rather large nail sticking out of the top. I did think about removing the nail, but when I pushed it to the side a bit, the air started to rush out quite quickly, making a ‘thrrrrrrrp’ sound. So now I’ve left it. I’m hoping that the nice roadside recovery people might come out and help me, otherwise I might have to attempt it myself. Which probably isn’t good thing, as I don’t even know where my spare tyre is. I don’t think I’m very good with these mechanical/car problems. Give me some concrete and some steel and I’m much more comfortable. My poor little Yaris, it must feel so neglected. I just don’t understand it at all.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Shit, why am I still in the office?

Oh shite, I have a meeting in ten minutes and I haven’t done what I was meant to for it. Bollocks. If I had balls, they’d probably be in a nutcracker at 8:30.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Another day at work, and I thought that the office would be a hive of activity this morning, but I appear to be the only one in. Bollocks. I could have stayed in bed for longer, rather than dragging myself out because I thought that the person I am working with on my next project would be in bright and breezy to go through things with me. Apparently not. I had better get some coffee down my throat then.
Actually, I’m not the only person in the office. There is a small cluster of consultants that sit about 20 metres away from me. It is the general belief of the people that work in my area that these people actually live in the office and have sleeping bags underneath their desks. A few weeks ago, due to a heinous error on my part, I was in the office at 6:30am. I thought I would be the only one insane enough to even contemplate being in the office at that time, but oh no, the consultants were here, merrily tapping away on their keyboards. A few nights later, a colleague of mine, due to slacking on his part, was here until 9:30pm. Guess who was still here? And furthermore, they were ordering take-away. Why do people do it? Why? I can only hope that they get overtime and that they are all looking forward to a bloody huge bonus at the end of the year, or whenever the project they’re working on finishes. Fucking lunatics.

Monday, December 05, 2005

After having a week off, it was a real effort to get myself out of bed this morning and head on into work. I guess it isn’t too bad though, I haven’t seen the people I work with for a week, so the irritation I feel for the majority of them has dissipated somewhat.
Last week was pretty good, I didn’t do much really and Pumpkin Head didn’t take the week off, so I just spent it at home, relaxing. Although I did get a wee bit bored which has resulted in the flat being the tidiest (consistently) since we moved in, about 2 years ago. I also did a fair amount of cooking and playing on the computer. Actually, I did a lot of playing on the computer, to the extent that I’d hop on at about 12pm and convince myself that I was only going to have a short jaunt. Then around 5pm I’d realise it was dark, all the lights in the flat were switched off and I was hungry. Doesn’t time fly when you are trying to level up your Mage?
This week looks like it is going to be a bit hectic. I have meetings every single day and it looks like I will be on site for the whole of Friday. Friday is a bit of pain in the arse as it is out team’s Christmas dinner, so I will have to get from site, home and then back out again. But still, at least I can get hammered and not have to pay for it.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

I have the week off work and what have I don’t so far with my time? Bugger all! Yesterday I cleaned the flat a bit, played on the pc and cooked some dinner. Today I have left the house to take the car to the garage and now I'm bumming on the pc. Tomorrow I might attempt some shopping. It's a hard life. It's just a shame that Pumpkin Head has had to go to work. But on the up side for him, he gets a nice dinner every night as I'm bored enough and have time on my hands to cook some proper food.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Christmas is fast approaching and I have to say that yet again I’m not really looking forward to it. My mother is a bit of a nutcase, so spending Christmas with her isn’t fantastic and she can be quite abusive to my brother. She used to be pretty bad with me, but seeing as I don’t live at home any more, she isn’t so mean. Ideally I would love to spend Christmas with Pumpkin Head, but I end up feeling incredibly guilty if I don’t see my mum. I think I also feel a bit guiltier as it is just her and my brother at home, where as Pumpkin Head has quite a large family, so there seems to be more going on. If neither my brother or me are at home, I think that my mum probably just stares at the wall or something. Families suck. I feel that all the time and effort I put into anything that I do family wise is driven by guilt and the feeling that I don’t want to upset anyone. Why I have this obsession with not upsetting anyone, I have no idea. I suppose I just hate the idea of someone feeling bad because of something that I have said or done to them. But then what about the times that they make me feel bad? All the times that my mother rings me just to ask for money or for her bills to be paid, and I get upset, because she doesn’t ever ring me for any other reason. But then I don’t even tell her that that makes me feel bad, because I feel guilty at the thought of making her feel bad. All this sodding guilt, I should be bloody Catholic. Maybe I feel bad because she is at home on her own and doesn’t have a partner, but that isn’t my fault is it? Well apparently it is, according to my stepfather (ex stepfather I should say), he told me when I was about 15 that it was my fault he was leaving. But I don’t feel guilty about that really, so I’m not sure why I feel so bad for my mother. Maybe I slightly pity her, and as far as I can tell, pity is the worst emotion that you can feel towards someone. It’s that horrible feeling inside of feeling sorry for them and at the same time, feeling somehow superior to them. The feeling that they need someone to help them, that they are miserable by themselves and that living everyday must be a struggle for them. I would be completely humiliated if someone felt pity for me and yet I feel pity for many people I see and know. In retrospect, that is pretty hypocritical isn’t it? Anyway, back to my mother. I think that maybe I just want everyone to be happy and the world to be content. I think I just feel that my mother is miserable all the time, but is that my fault? We all make my own decisions and I wouldn’t want my children to feel guilty if they didn’t see me, or feel sorry for me if I was a single parent at home on my own a lot. So maybe she wouldn’t want me to feel like this? For goodness sake, she ran away to France when she was 17 because she didn’t get on with her parents, so she clearly isn’t completely innocent when it comes to making people feel bad. I think that the fact that she has continually told me what a hard life she has had living at home with her family, who were all awful to her and locked her in the cupboard under the stairs and stuff, and then having bad relationships with men (my father and stepfather) probably explains the a bit of the root cause of the guilt and pity I suppose. But for crying out loud, I don’t make her feel sorry for me by telling her all the shite things that have happened to me when I left home. And I certainly wouldn’t moan at my kids (once I pop some sprogs that is) about what a crap time I had had growing up etc. Christ, I didn’t have the most fantastic time growing up and I didn’t tell her any of it. And most of it was her fault, well sort of. Maybe I’m slowly removing myself from these feelings, little by little as I have no problem not inviting her to my wedding. But then again I’m not really inviting anyone. I’m not paying for someone else to eat and drink on a day that is a celebration of my commitment to another. It’s our day and no one else’s. So that is one thing that I refuse to feel guilt for, and I’m going to be incredibly stubborn about it too. So, perhaps if I can continue to work and feel like this, the emotions of guilt and pity and sadness will slowly dissipate and I will slowly start to be more assertive towards myself and my parents. Hmmm…parents? I haven’t even mentioned my Father. Perhaps another day. I have vented enough and I people are beginning to filter into the office. I’m not sure I want them to see my crazy talk.